3:45am- my son (who sometime in the middle of the night crawled into bed with me) kicked the crap out of my kidneys. Since he was taking up the entire bed, and I was now wide awake, I thought why not start my day? A very dear friend reminded me yesterday that I need to meditate more. It would appear that now is the perfect time to do it!
So I get my candle and my music and head downstairs to get my enlightenment on.
3:50 "Mommy! I wet the bed!"
Get the kid dry clothes and back into his own bed, strip my bed completely and start a load of laundry.
4:05- now I have the white noise of the washing machine, but it's not actually unpleasant. Super, let's do this. Sit down, stare at the candle and start to focus on breathing... Hear the dulcet tones of the cat puking
Clean up cat yak.
4:10 let's try this again! Now the motherf'ing cat wants to play in the window blinds. No amount of admonishment will get him to stop. Get up, pull up the blinds and hope there isn't some creeper outside.
4:15 turn on some Native American flute music to help calm myself down cuz I'm starting to get a little irritated and that's the very opposite of what you need when you're trying to meditate.
"This is my inhalation....this is my exhalation"
4:20 "Mommy! There's no music on in my room!"
Go upstairs and turn on the boy's radio. I can't fault him for this- I need music when I fall asleep too.
Head back downstairs, only to be stopped halfway by "Mommy! There's a ghost in my room!" Heavy sigh. Go get the boy's lantern so the ghosts will leave him alone.
Give the boy an extra big hug and more kisses than he needs- because maybe I need them just as much as he does.
4:25- frustrated and defeated I lie down on the couch. Try to focus on that breath again. Here comes the cat- he also wants to lie down- on my chest.
4:30 my actual alarm goes off, curses may have been said. Get a glass of water and start typing my tale of woe.
5:10- I just realized the washer turned off a long time ago. The bastard cat has settled down and is curled up next to me in a cat ball. I've been writing this while the flickering of a candle is in my peripheral vision. It's almost dark save the candle and the dim computer screen. It's completely quiet except for the gentle tapping of the keys. It's really quite peaceful and lovely.
Well, what do you know? What started out as a way to bitch may have turned into a kind of meditation after all.
Now it's time to start the day.
